Content

Sofia,

The lights are out. Night time routine done. I'm lying next to you, penguin pillow supporting my head. Your head rests on the star princess pillow your great Aunt Marina gave you last June while we were in Italy. I'm dozing off, thinking to myself I should get up, get on with something. 

You turn to look at me through the dark, eyes bright. 

You: "Mum, I don't want to get bigger".

Me: "Really, why?"

You: "I want to stay like this, just like this". 

I think about what to say, my head acknowledging the fact that it's unlikely you'll stay just like this, my heart suggesting that you are already perfection. The conflict rages on inside me. I simply say, "We'll see". 

There's something to be learnt from childhood declarations like these. Living right now, in the moment, being content with who you are at this time. What a lesson, what a joy. 

Suburbia

Sofia

We moved to this northern Brisbane suburb when you were six months old. Four years later and you stride, skip and run around the streets of our suburban pocket. You grow, learn, talk, share and I wonder, delight, observe and savour. These moments of suburban bliss are true, but fleeting. Much like your childhood. 

Melancholy

Sofia

I've been busy and distracted this weekend. Friday delivered some news that will change our lives dramatically. Saturday and Sunday have seen us start to prepare for that change. 

After all the distractions and busyness we walked to Hidden World park this afternoon, an hour before dusk, for a swing, a slide, a climb and a chance to get the sand between the toes. You tackle equipment you haven't dared approach before; climbing up the rubber webbing and clambering down the knobbly pole. 

I watch, take photos to capture the afternoon, knowing it might be one of our last regular visits to this space. I feel melancholy. This is the park where you crawled, toddled, walked and ran. Where you now get on the big swing and use your legs to propel yourself into the air. 

This is the space where you still stand back and observe the other kids jostling and negotiating, waiting for a clear moment to climb up the dinosaur. You wait on the edge, high above the sand, asking for help. I have previously stood below in the sand and caught you as your launched yourself into the air. This time I'm perched up on the fort, camera poised, and encourage you to take the leap and jump down solo. I watch you hesitate and count you down, "One, two....three, go!" You jump and land in the sand, face peering up with delight, "I did it, yay". I take your photo as you climb one more rung on the ladder of self confidence. 

The melancholy washes over me. We are going to miss this park. But the trade off will be worth it. 

Bath Swims

Sofia

Last year you would sometimes come home from a swimming lesson on Monday and get in the bath to practice your technique.

 

This year you're getting longer, or maybe the bath is getting smaller.

 

Regardless, I still occasionally catch you stretching out, talking to yourself, repeating the phrases you've heard countless times at the pool....big arms, kiiiick, face in the water.

 

I took this photo in July 2013, when you were still earnestly doing your big arms and going nowhere.

You are becoming a better swimmer all the time, but this year has since you take some big leaps...I mean laps.

 

Never Say Never

Sofia

Watching you grow, develop, learn, change and challenge fascinates me more than I could have imagined.

 

Motherhood - one of the best, late, forget-that-I-used-to-say-never, decisions I ever made.

 

August 2013 photo.

Up Close

Sofia

Sorting through photos I took last year I discover these and can't help share them. We'd been playing soccer and your face reflects the heat and the game. I see this face everyday and marvel at your openness. You are quick to smile, laugh, share a joke and all of that shines in your eyes.  

 

 

Tenterfield Field

Sofia

Nana and Grandad were in Tenterfield house sitting for some friends so we joined them for a weekend in the country. A neighbouring property was explored and you took some photos.

And I took a photo of you taking a photo. Cheese.

October 2013.

Laidley lunch

Sofia

 

A flashback to October last year. Our search for a rural property has taken us to most corners of South East Queensland, including the lovely Laidley, where you tackled your first Aussie pie. Even though it was chicken and not beef, you smothered it in tomato sauce then lifted the lid and mined your way through the filling....just like your mother does it. With a utensil. I was so proud.

 

The Aussie male thing of lifting a whole piping hot pie to your lips and then shoving it in, flaky pastry falling on the ground while you juggle the slightly soft base pastry to make sure it stays in tact and the gravy meat filling doesn't also hit the floor...well, it's over rated.

 

May you continue eating pies with some delicacy and decorum, enjoying the deconstruction process, all the flaky pastry and the filling after it cools enough to no longer strip the skin off your palette.

 

My girl.

 

Bend It

Sofia

Soccer with dad at the park. 'No hands, just feet' he reminds you constantly.

I watch you for signs of a future soccer champion. You pick the ball up again.

Plenty of time before you need to worry about playing women's soccer at the Olympics.

Dragons

Sofia

 

I bought you a dragon costume and in October you dressed up. You raced up and down the footpath, roaring and growling. Your green tail swinging wildly as you jumped and raised your claws.

 

I took a series of photos. The problem was deciding which photos to use. I narrowed it to three. 

Super Girl

Sofia

Hidden World is a park within walking distance of our house. We've watched you explore, play and grapple with the challenges as you've grown.

In November 2013 I took some photos of you trying out some of the equipment for the first time. You conquered the dinosaur and spun on the weird swing under the fort.

It must have been the super hero shirt you were wearing that day. Or maybe, just maybe, you're getting bigger. At least that's what you're always reminding me.

Your favourite catch cries are:
Look mum, I'm bigger.
Look mum, I can do it.

It's true.

Fairy Pen

Sofia

Another photo from December last year. A hot day, a barbecue with friends and early Christmas presents were exchanged.

I love this shot.

Birthday Joy

Sofia

All 4th birthdays needs three important things - presents, cake and family.  Yours did not disappoint.

You delight in the simplicity - Little Miss books and a new Hello Kitty dress. A pink cake with candles and a tea set from Nana and Grandad.

The joy of being four.

 

Zoo for the Fourth

Sofia

The photos from your fourth birthday have been sitting on my computer since December, quietly waiting for some attention. We spent the day at Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary. You fearlessly approached the kangaroos, big and small, offering up your little outstretched hand for them to nibble at the pellets. We wandered by the towering emu, marvelled at the koala nursery and watched the sheep dogs round up their flock.

 

You were only six months old on our last visit. It was a special day with special friends from Japan. I think back to that day. You were strapped on to dad's chest, watching the world with a toothy grin, kicking your little legs and dozing off as the midday sun rose.

The four year old you are now is an inspiring creature. I didn't think you could be any more beautiful, or engaging or interesting than you were as a baby. How little I knew.

Cashed Up

Sofia

 

On a rare trip to a toy shop before Easter I bought a toy cash register. You love it, and I love that you are already practicing for your part time teenager job.

Spinning

Sofia

A local park has one of your favourite things...it's called a Spinna. Your face lights up and I remember the feeling of freedom from such childhood excitement and fun.